


Taking time to reconcile feelings

by ningjing22



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Merluca - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 04:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21229685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ningjing22/pseuds/ningjing22
Summary: Meredith thinks about her situation while being in jail. She thinks about her anger, how she snapped at Andrew and how to tell him how sorry she is.





	Taking time to reconcile feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really a writer and not a native speaker of English. There may be some errors and it may sound a bit German ('cause I am).
> 
> I wrote this yesterday in about 3hrs because I already read all fanfiction about those two and was hungry for more. I like Merluca so very, very much, which is why it makes me sad to see how their relationship is depicted right now. I'm hungry for more on-screen togetherness. I wish they'd be endgame.  
I also fear that the new PEDs doc might come between them.
> 
> So, this is basically why I wrote this. It fits between 16x05 and 16x06.
> 
> I might add a second chapter after the next episode has aired.
> 
> It's the first time I post something for other people to see. I hope someone enjoys it.

Meredith is in a frenzy. Her missed hours of community service earned her almost a weeks time in jail. At one point she asked the guard to let her out earlier so she has time to make the Halloween costumes for the kids. As if that would happen. The guard, grinning, only told her she could go as "sad mom".

Although there wasn't much time left, she got out the day before Halloween. Now she has to hurry to get the costumes done. Fortunately, she already had the fabrics at home and a clear picture on each of the kids' costume. It took her half a day and a couple of hours into the night to get them done. But missing sleep was worth it.

In the morning she woke up earlier than usual though, went downstairs to make coffee. The house was silent still and the only sound came from making herself a coffee.  
Before the disagreement she had with Andrew a couple days ago when she went to the hospital to apologize to Bailey, almost every other day the kitchen was already alive with the sounds of Andrew making breakfast, pancakes or some kind of omelette, and coffee of course.  
This morning she came to realize how much she missed that, how much she missed him. 

He came to jail on three of the six days she was in. Each time they only had a couple of minutes to talk. It was a bit awkward the first time, the air between them was still a bit tense.  
She had so many emotions and thoughts at once. He came the second day she got into jail. She was happy to see him, of course. Meredith had a whole day thinking about the last couple of days that brought her here. Away from her kids, sisters, friends and him. With her licence in jeopardy and a bad reputation given to the hospital she loved dearly all because of an article she didn't really write. Why didn't she think about what would happen? When did she become so naive? Even though unwillingly, she had to admit to herself, that it was her fault. She should've been more careful. But she was so angry about all the injustice she found all around her. All the people needing medical attention and help but couldn't afford it starting with Lois' daughter Gabby followed by those from work crew.  
She was angry for being fired by Bailey. BAILEY of all people! How could she do that! Yes, it wasn't right of her to write her daughters name on the insurance form to get treatment for Gabby. She knew then but getting fired by Bailey was something she couldn't quite reconcile with although Meredith could see that there had to be some kind of consequence for her wrongful action.

All that anger from the injustice, the firing and the backlash from the article and the problems it caused the hospital, she wasn't able to keep it inside.  
Instead, she threw it at Andrew when he told her that all of this would happen. She got defensive when he just pointed things out after the fact and tried to get her to understand in his calm way. He didn't much raise his voice while telling her, he stayed calm but she just didn't seem to be able to be as calm. Bailey couldn't forgive her and it wasn't what she expected. After all, she bailed on community service for her! 

Now that she had a whole damn day to think on things, she could see her mistakes clearer. She wanted to do right by the people she cared so much about. First, the anger needed to go away. Spending a day and a night in a cell alone - well, not quite, she had a cell mate - she thought a lot which is why she only got a bit of sleep in the morning until said cell mate sat like cat in front of her bed waiting, not making a sound but waking her up nonetheless.  
She knew now that she should've reacted differently to him that day. And also when he offered to watch Zola while she went to court or when he offered to sit with her while Zola is in surgery. She knew then that he only wanted to support her. Her sisters told her as much. So why could she only think of his offer as being something stupid??? The anger still controlled her, adding to that came the worry for Zola. He didn't do anything wrong, she knew. He was considerate. Yes, it's true, Christina and her would've laughed at him, mocked him when she still was a resident herself --- but this was years ago. She matured and being a mom made her gave more consideration for certain things like emotional support. Theoretically. But all this anger and frustration from not doing what she loves to do - YES, that's IT - made her overreact, made her throwing everything his way.

Andrew deserved better than to be her punching ball. So how could she fix that? She needs to tell him. It's hard for her to find the right words. She doesn't like to be in the wrong. Admitting it even more so, but it's necessary to say it out loud, to tell him. Deep down she knows how much he cares about her and that he only said those things because he's worried for her and her kids.  
Truth be told, she loves that about him. 

Him visiting her in jail... that she did not deserve after all that snapping. Still, he came.  
The first time was awkward small talk. Neither she nor he did know what to say first and how to get to the important stuff. Still, it was good that he came. She was a bit angry about herself for not getting further but she promised to herself she'll get it out next time he comes visiting.  
The second time though, she was prepared in her mind - she had layed out everything perfectly. But when she looked at him she went blank. He looked worried or stressed. 

She sometimes still had problems to read him. She has to work on that, too. She has to work on getting to know him better also. Thinking at night she realized how little she knew about him. Yes, he was easy to talk to and he also talked a lot about his days. She loved their talks which would go on for hours. Even though, she didn't know much about his past. She felt it was her task to find out, to really ask him. She wanted to know more. Andrew wasn't somebody to just talk about his past. She didn't think he had anything to hide or didn't want to talk about it. He just lived in the present so the conversations were about the here and now.

After they both said "Hey you" to one another and some seconds had passed, she managed to ask him what's wrong. He told her about the problems at the hospital and that he lost a patient, a kid today. He was really sad and apologized to her for it. In that moment it didn't seem appropriate to switch to what was on her mind. So she asked him, if he wanted to tell her more about it. He did, slowly and quietly. He apologized again for wasting their time with something sad. She hurriedly told him that it wasn't a waste of time at all. It'll make him feel better and that's important. He gave her a thankful, warm smile before he had to go.

Finally, on the third visit, the day before she got out of jail, she told him what was on her mind and on her heart since she got in. It was a good day. When he came, he was smiling brightly. That was a good start. He felt better. So she told him that she had time to think in here, of course, and she wanted to tell him some important things. Although it took here a hard minute, she started by apologizing to him for being so angry the last couple of weeks and taking all her frustration out on him when he's only comforting and supporting her.  
He wanted to say. „It's alri--“ when she cut him of by telling him: „It wasn't alright.“ Seriously, it wasn't. Meredith went on saying: "Please, Andrew, don't say anything, just listen, okay?"  
Andrew: " 'kay. I will."  
Meredith: "You did nothing wrong. Everything you said was very considerate and kind. I just wasn't able to really listen, really taking it in the right way. My anger made me defensive when there wasn't much of a good reason to be. I know now that I'm not just simply angry because people aren't getting treated properly or because they cannot afford it. I'm also angry because I cannot do what I love - being a doctor, doing surgery, helping people the best way I can. I still wanna do something else to help those people. But you're right. It's better to do it from within the system, not by bringing it down. I wanna do that if they still let me. I want to say so much more but time's already up. If you have time soon, I'd really wanna talk more about that, with you. I really am sorry for snapping at you. And, I miss our time together. I miss you being at home. I..."  
Guard: "Time's up."  
Meredith: "Ok, just a second! See you soon?"  
Andrew: "Of course." he said with a smile while holding his hand out to the glass between them. She also reached her hand out, then got up and managed a silent „Bye.“ She could swear that she saw the hint of a watery eye from relief before he turned around to leave.

She was relieved, too. She didn't quite get it all out as she had planned but that had to wait until she's out of jail. The most important words, the short version, the part with the sorry in it, she had said to him. Everything else will be said later on. She feels good to have told him. Finally the air around them got lighter, clearer. He smiled. He got it. He will wait. They will be alright.


End file.
